Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Sometimes you feel so little

Hey people! Sorry for abandoning this space for so long. Was pretty caught up with uni work and stuff so I didn't have time to just sit down and blog properly. Good news is that I found a part-time job here. Whoo! It's pretty tiring but quite fun. Only downside is that 50% of my work time is devoted to washing and wiping plates. hahaha but hey if they're paying, then I guess it's okay.

Was gonna show you guys some pictures I took these few weeks but another topic came into mind, so I'll leave the pictures for later.

I realized that my blog posts has been pretty 'general' and I seem to blog less about personal thoughts and stuff. The internet is too accessible that sometimes I just wish to hide from it. Back home I use to keep journals but here I just don't have the heart to do it. So I guess I will just blog, or just let those thoughts slip through the cracks of my skull. hahaha

I have finally settled in a church here. The church is just a few minutes walk from where I live. Convenient, the people are friendly and I just love the sermons and worship. For the first time in many years, I am finally paying attention to the sermon, and at the same time enjoying. Sometimes in the middle of the week I will actually recall some parts of the sermon, and just think about life. Okay, I sound so old but it's true.

Back home I sometimes get fed up of the sermon, and just wander away in thoughts. Not sure if I'll continue to be as attentive here in the next few months, but I am quite loving my new church here!

Then I heard some news about my church back home. The church where I grew up in, my family in Christ. There are lots of things happening in the diocese, and I don't think I should go into details about that (and you would probably fall asleep reading it). For everything that is going on in my church and the diocese, I just feel really sad. 

Prayer is power, yes. I have been praying.

The people that I have known through church, are the people that play an important role in my life. I just can't explain how dear they are to me. We practically grew up together, nurtured each other, and have the same love for everyone. But recently, I have been hearing about people leaving the church and having disappointments with the services and all that. I can't really say anything about the things happening right now, but I am continuing to pray for you guys back home! I really hope to see every one of you back in church when I am back in kk.

I wouldn't say I am a 'holy' person, but I do go to church every Sunday and serve in different ministries. I love serving, I just enjoy doing it. The church has given me so many opportunities to grow as a person, and also grow spiritually. It's quite hard to see the church fall back and you can't do anything about it.

I'm just a kid, they say. And usually what I say, doesn't really matter now, does it?

For the youth ministry especially. I do feel guilty that I have not done enough before I left. I remember what I was supposed to do, to built up the praise and worship team. The main reason why I stayed back for 2 years. But I didn't fulfill it. In fact, I felt that it was my fault that they didn't grow, spiritually. I don't really know how to say this. Serving in the team, no matter how bad or good in skills you are, you are only good if you let Jesus use you to praise and worship him. That's what I always tell the musicians. You are not playing to show off how good you are, you are using your talents to glorify God. Once you lose that, you lose everything. I am not a musician myself, so I get cruel replies like, 'you can't tell that to me, you can't even play anything'

Yes, I can't play the drums or the piano or the guitar.

But you can't say that I can't praise or worship.

I guess I can put it in a better way. Instead of gifts of music, God has given me the best instrument of all, my voice. Nope, I can't sing like Mariah Carey or Aretha Franklin, but I can still sing for Him. I am not a professional dancer, but I can dance for him. And that is enough, that is really enough. I guess when sometimes when you are good at something, you have the urge to show off. I have done that before, showing off. But I don't feel good after that. I felt so fake I ended not liking myself. A senior told me that whatever you have belongs to God, and it is for His glory. Slowly I learnt, it wasn't easy. It's sometimes hard to strip away from arrogance and be humble before God. But it's not impossible, and I hope the youths now slowly learn that.

From Him, to Him. 

I actually have more to write about but my thoughts are just really around the place. :( I feel so helpless here, I couldn't anything for what's happening back home. Just hope everything will be okay..

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