I hope this doesn't go on forever. Or at least, until the end of year. I feel like I'm going to burst out any minute and ask everyone to shut up and mind their own business.
That would be too rude, wouldn't it? They are just caring about me, after all.
I have no idea how am I going to put this, but I feel more lost than I was a year ago when I entered form six.
When you were in lower six they tell you, 'oh so you're in form six. One year plus to think it through'.
In the beginning of the year I got 'Ahh... so you should have a slight idea now'. I just nodded because they nodded to their own question.
And when I have reached the final semester they say, 'still don't know which course yet? Better start thinking before you regret'
First up, I know what I want to do. I have decided. It may not be something that will blow minds and make people go 'ooooooh' or 'aaaaaaah', but clearly it's a decision. A straight-forward, honest decision.
People do not stop there, do they?
When I have told them that I have finally settled to take up business after STPM, the first thing they shoot at me is, 'then why are you still in Science?'
And I have to start explaining for the 378th time. I better type it down just in case one of you readers are curious and I have to explain it AGAIN. I enrolled in the Science stream because I didn't think that I could handle the business subjects ie. economics and accounting in bahasa. I can speak, read and write in bahasa but clearly it is not my first language, and I am afraid that I might get mixed up with some important terms (because of the language). Thus, I decided to continue in the Science stream because of that, and it's also just in case I want to get into a Science-related degree, I still can. I secretly want to be a doctor there ya have it!
Oh and it goes on.
'Why business? Why not something more outstanding?'
'Are you sure you want to do that?'
'I think you can do better'
'It's a waste lah. Think about it'
Fine. You asked for my decision. I gave it to you. Isn't it enough?
What is it with science students pursuing a business career? Is it wrong in any sense? How is it wasteful? How can it be wasteful? Are they implying that whoever is in business is less of a smarty-pants than a doctor/engineer/pharmacist?
If I wasn't sure that it's a course that I want to take up, I wouldn't have told you.
And what's with the 'I think you can do better' phrase? Like, in what way 'I can do better'? They never tell you. They just leave you thinking. Do better in what? Life?
I did put everything into thought. All I am left with are frustrations.
When I was younger I wanted to be a teacher. But I guess every kid wanted to be a teacher because aside from their family and friends, the closest person they know is their teacher(s). And as children grow older, they aspire to be astronauts and lawyers and doctors.
I didn't want any of those.
I wanted to be a fireman when I was 7 HAHAHAHA but that was because I admired the firemen from a tv drama zzzzz
It wasn't until I was about fifteen that I wanted to be a doctor. Of course now I backed out because I can see how far it is a rode to even drive on let alone walk (because I am that broke), and how high issit a mountain to climb. No will you say? No. Perhaps it's something that I want to do, but it's not something that I am destined to do. I am not giving up a dream, I am just letting go of an option. Studying Biology for so the past few years has made me realize that I have a bad memorizing ability. Bad eh? I also cannot imagine myself studying for 5 years in uni TT______TT 5 years and 4 years big difference please. Okay not really but still. By the time I finish my studies I would be 30 (I think I mentioned this before zzzz)
I guess what they say about the law of attraction is quite true. Children of doctors mostly end up being doctors, lawyers' kids end up being lawyers. There are occasions where a farmer's son successfully becomes an entrepreneur, but that's like what? One in a million? I come from a family where both my parents worked in offices, and I always had a thought planted in my mind that I would someday, also work in an office.
But I never go with the flow, right? I always wanted to be different. I am different. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I am just weird? Or maybe it's because I'm one of a kind? HUH? Now I sound like Bella -.- And no, I do not wish to be a vampire. But I don't mind finding a guy as handsome as Edward Cullen HAHAHA minus the vampire -.-
If life wasn't that much about money, and power, and social status....
I would probably do what I like. What I love. I do not have that kind of courage, to choose a path that I will love, but end up being miserable for the rest of my life.
But if I choose something that I don't like, wouldn't I be miserable too?
Why is life so complicated? :(
And this another fei (useless) post. Falalalala